An Act of Unselfish Love
An Act of Unselfish Love
I was in late elementary school – the years when one is old enough to recognize that hardships exist in life but young enough to think the world was all about me.
My mother had a close friend whom she…
Knowing When To Fold ‘Em: The Plight of Second Chair Leaders
Congregational staff who occupy the “second chair” often find themselves in a precarious position related to the prospects of their tenure.
Sometimes circumstances dictate this, but also, the relationship with the senior pastor can be a major factor, or, simply…
Pastors, their families and best practices
The paradox is that if we want our families to be healthy, balanced and whole, then we need to work on ourselves.
How do I bring my best self to my family?
If I say that something is important to…
Five Common Responses to Anxiety
Bowen systems theory helps us understand relationship dynamics universal to relationship systems, from families to corporations, to churches. Systems theory identifies four common responses when it comes to how we handle anxiety. Here’s an example.
Agnes is an anxious…
Managing Stress: A Bowenian Perspective
In the last several months, the world has been touched by coronavirus.
It has quickly evolved into a global pandemic.
This unexpected force has relentlessly disrupted the flow of commerce, changed the shape of education, revealed the inadequacies of our…
Triangle Games
The concept of the emotional triangle often is referred to as the “building block” for emotional process dynamics in relationship systems (families, churches, organizations, etc.).
Dual relationships (one on one) are difficult to maintain so it does not take long…
Breaking out of Gridlock
June 17, 2019—I consulted with a couple of organizations that were “stuck” but motivated enough to get moving toward becoming “healthier.” As I worked with the leaders and employees of both organizations I was reminded of some fundamental truths about…
Four Systems Traps When Starting at a New Ministry
Bill Wilson, founder and director of the Center for Healthy Churches in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, wrote about “4 Traps for Clergy Moving to a New Congregation.” He named them as the trap of expectations, the trap of…
How One Person Learned to Deal With Triangles
April 22, 2019—Being a caring person who was “trained” in her family of origin to be the “fixer” or intermediary when family spats happened, Rebecca was naturally drawn to entering triangles—invited or not. Early on it was a comfortable role…
Your Congregation Is Not Your Family
January 7, 2019—The fact is that, despite the warm metaphor we commonly use, a congregation is not a family. A congregation is a localized, institutionalized expression of a larger social system: the organized religious system.1 The relationship clergy have with…
The Middle of the Story (and hurrying up to catch up)
November 26, 2018—One of the most mystical concepts in Bowen Theory is that of the multigenerational transmission process of relationship systems. This multigenerational process is a powerful force at work in biological families and in congregations. The concept…
Why Bowen Theory is Useless
November 12, 2018—Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST), or “Bowen Theory,” continues to grow in its interest to, and influence among, clergy, denominational leaders, and seminaries. I think this is a good thing, overall. Many have found in BFST a frame…
Why I Do This Work Called Bowen Theory
I learned about Bowen Theory in seminary and following it through the pastor with whom I served and several ministers who “practiced” the theory and participated in workshops called Leadership in Ministry (LIM). While in seminary, my professors often emphasized…
Maybe the Problem is With You
July 30, 2018—Have you ever heard a pastor say, “Why is it that no matter what church I go to I always end up with the same bunch of @&#* idiots?!” If you’ve had a string of dysfunctional churches, the…
A Non-Canonical Text Discovered!
July 2, 2018—Archaeological discoveries have made us aware of other versions of sacred stories that were lost for previous generations. For example, the full text of the Gospel of Thomas was only discovered in 1945. These non-canonical texts provide alternative…
