Reading the Signs of Church Conflict Before the Point of No Return

We tend to think about conflict as loud, full of drama, and consisting of in-your-face confrontations. But the truth is, often, conflict plays out below the surface and reaches a boiling point beyond resolution by the time we become aware of it. For example, Adam S. McHugh wrote, “When introverts conflict with each other, it may require a map to follow all the silences, nonverbal cues and passive-aggressive behaviors!”

I can’t count the number of times a pastor has become aware of the level of conflict in the congregation during a surprise meeting with church leaders to ask for the pastor’s resignation. And how often has a church staff member come to the awareness that the level of conflict has reached a crisis point only when he or she is summoned to a meeting in the pastor’s office with the chair of personnel present? At those meetings the options tend to be “quit, or be fired.”

Conflict is a natural part of life in general, and congregational ministry holds no exception. In and of itself, conflict is not bad, as we know—though not pleasant, admittedly. Every congregational leader, pastor or lay, can expect some level of conflict. However, when conflict gets to the point of no return, much harm is done, sometimes, irreparable and tragic.

Most pastors may be too conflict-averse to deal with early signs of conflict. To deny it exists or to delay intervention merely makes matters worse. Henry Nouwen wrote, “One of the main tasks of theology is to find words that do not divide but unite, that do not create conflict but unity, that do not hurt but heal.”

Here are five signs that indicate a church conflict may be heading toward forced termination of pastoral leadership:

1. Communication Breakdown: When direct communication between the pastor and key church leaders decreases significantly, it is replaced by indirect messages, gossip, or complete silence. This often indicates a growing divide and loss of trust.
2. Formation of Opposing Groups: The emergence of informal factions or groups within the congregation, particularly when they meet privately to discuss church matters without pastoral involvement or knowledge.
3. Financial Micromanagement: Sudden increased scrutiny of pastoral expenses, changes in financial approval processes, or unexpected budget reviews targeting staff/pastoral expenses can signal growing distrust.
4. Bypassing Normal Procedures: When established church governance procedures are circumvented or when decisions increasingly occur through informal channels rather than official church committees or boards.
5. Escalating Criticism: A pattern of increasing complaints about minor issues, criticism of the pastor’s family, or questioning previously accepted pastoral decisions. Often, these criticisms spread from small groups to wider circles within the congregation.

Understanding these warning signs early can help church leaders and pastors address underlying issues before they reach a crisis point. Early intervention and conflict resolution measures are crucial when these signs appear.

Ministering to Ministers, a Pastoral Excellence Program at the Center for Lifelong Learning supports pastors who have experienced a forced termination from their church or place of ministry. For more information, contact us at mtm@ctsnet.edu.